It's been quite a while since I've used the old easy-E...but lately I've been feeling like I'm alone with no one to confide in. No one to hear the things that I think about before I fall asleep at night. doubt that there is anyone that reads this anymore...but regardless I feel a bit of home when I think of easyjournal. so here goes nothing.

I think the thing I'm struggling with the most lately is my weight. I feel very secure with myself as a person, I'm happy and successful and independant...but I'm also really fat. When I used to be thin I thought I was fat, now I know that I really was wrong. I would give anything to be 15 lbs lighter again and have the body I used to. I feel completely unattractive, I feel worthless and I feel like I'm never going to loose the weight. I really want to, but m motivation to do something about it is really lacking. I wish I had someone to wake me up in the morning and push me to really work hard and shed this disgusting shell I have built around my soul.

I also am feeling very lonely emotionally. I really am a hardcore lover, and life just doesn't seem right when I'm not sharing love with another person. Fortunately for me I have dance, and I can share love and passion with that, but it's still not the same. I function better when I have someone mentally, emotionally, and physically asking for me. And on top of that I NEED to feel needed. I just can't get enough of having someone who to a certain extent really needs my presence in their life. I need it so badly it hurts sometimes. But I'm trying not to think about it.

Life really is good these days, I honestly can't complain...



In other news I am completely motivated to do something with my life dance-wise, and I'm already working on it. It's been promising lately and I hope things keep fitting into place. There's really nothing I love more. And I thank God for giving it to me every day.